Journal Entry?

I WANT to write... I like it, it gets things off my chestal area, and it makes me feel as though I've shared deep shit with my friends. The problem is, I don't have a whole lot to say lately. Maybe it's being around family so much, and going and being occupied with THAT time... Their recent visit a couple of weeks ago, then the happenings of the last week have been (and still are) taxing. Not in the "you're family but you drive me crazy" sort of way, but the "Whoa, that may be the last time that Dub is with us" kinda way. It feels so strange that life should be going on while he is at the end of his journey. I know that "life goes on" is a widely used phrase, especially when in deference to post-funeral life, but it's just one of those odd, mildly irritating things that people like to say. Similar to "s/he would have wanted it that way." That one gets me steaming. Makes me think, well, how the fuck to YOU know what he would have wanted? It just makes me want to slap the issuer of the idiotic phrase. And yes, some people may know what he or she would want, I understand. But it just seems so weak and trite, and well, annoying as hell. In this case, he KNOWS what he wants, and he's getting exactly that. My point had nothing to do with that, really. It's just that every so often, I'd be sitting at work today, laughing about something that someone said, and then a thought would pop into my head that I have no reason to be laughing right now. Why should I have fun when someone I love is taking is last few breaths... just doesn't seem fair at all. And again, I know, life isn't fair, I repeat that at least once a day to either a customer (in my head while I type my pc message), or to my 8 year old. I guess a better term is that it doesn't seem RIGHT. And it isn't. As many difficulties that we may have developed if we didn't have death ever, it just really sucks to lose the people you care about. I know, I'm brooding... it's been 3 entries so far and this is the 4th, but, you know, when you see at age 9 that the people around you will NOT be in your life forever.... when you realize that there's a reason you have only one grandparent left.. and all fingers point to Mr. Death..... well, let's just say I remember going to my uncle's funeral when I was 5 and thinking, "Wow, this stinks. I didn't know him very well, but everyone's all sad and a little grumpy, and crying. Is this REALLY part of life?" Uncle Skippy was the first of so many that I can no longer a) count on one hand or b) count at all and who wants to do that anyway. Heck, I may have been to one before that, I just happen to remember that one. It was the first time I ever remember seeing Mom cry, and it was very few and far between incidents. She just wasn't that kind of person. I, on the other hand, can be counted on to tear up at the beginning of Finding Nemo, at the end of COUNTLESS other movies, and some straight thru without stopping. Not to mention remembering times when Sydney was especially cute, and plenty of other times. I'm a sensitive soul that way, an 'empath' if you'll excuse my Star Trek geek poking thru, in that I can feel other's pain and react. It's just my way.
I think I have come to the end of my express train of thought... now that the thought of picking up the munchkin and going to the grocery store have been added to the daily schedule... that and the distraction of a kitty belly. Yes, though we may miss those loved ones, we can go on. All we are is dust in the wind, dude.